Dogs and Cats and People
By admin on Oct 26, 2009 in The 11th SAGE- THE Wisdom of Bret Burquest
DOGS AND CATS AND PEOPLE
Dogs are extremely social animals whose psychological welfare is dependent on an association with other dogs in a pack while following the guidance of the pack leader. Domestic dogs rely on a human master as a surrogate pack leader. Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.
Cats don’t need a pack leader to show the way. They’re self-contained units of indifference that rely mostly on imaginary objects and invisible entities.
People come in many varieties. Some of them need a pack leader, so they elect one every four years and bang their heads against the wall over the choice they made. Some of them are units of indifference that rely on imaginary friends or invisible guides. And most of the rest of them are reasonably sane.
Dogs don’t dwell on the past and give little thought to the future beyond their next meal. They live almost exclusively in the present.
Cats don’t dwell on anything, including the present. They live almost exclusively in a different dimension.
People don’t dwell on the present. They’re too busy feeling guilty about the past and planning for a bright future that will inevitably consist of feeling guilty about the past.
Show dogs fall into six categories, depending on their talents and lineage: sporting breeds, hound breeds, working breeds, terrier breeds, toy breeds and non-sporting breeds. A non-pedigree dog is called a mutt.
Show cats fall into two categories, depending on the length of their hair: longhaired division and shorthaired division. A non-pedigree cat is called a cat.
Show people get into show business. A non-show-business person is called a stalker.
Dogs perform functional tasks such as herding livestock, following scents, retrieving game and providing protection.
Cats perform dysfunctional tasks such as unraveling a ball of twine or chasing an imaginary object.
People perform redundant tasks 40 hours per week, 50 weeks per year, so they can spend two weeks, usually near water, getting mentally adjusted for the next 50 weeks of redundant tasks.
Dogs can hear frequencies up to 35,000 vibrations per second, well beyond the range of human beings.
Cats can hear frequencies up to the eleven dimensions of the Astral Plane, including the Twilight Zone. They can also hear the Battle of Gettysburg and Elvis.
People can hear frequencies up to 20,000 vibrations per second. They mostly hear what they want to hear.
Dogs have a superior sense of smell.
Cats have a sense of superiority.
People have a sense of pending doom.
Dogs are eager to learn new commands. They’re pleased whenever they please their human masters.
Cats are eager to be treated like royalty. They’re pleased whenever they feel like being pleased.
People are eager to get rich. They are pleased whenever they find a penny laying on the ground.
Dog people love their canines and consider them to be members of the family. In return, dogs love, honor and obey their human companions. It’s a lasting relationship.
Cat people love their felines and consider them to be members of the family. In return, cats couldn’t care less. There is no relationship.
People people love people and consider themselves to be members of the family. In return, people distrust them and keep one hand on their wallets. It’s a dubious relationship.
Dog people have a psychological desire to be needed.
Cat people have a psychological desire to be rejected.
People people have a psychological desire to be desirable.
If you want to be loved, get a dog.
If you want to be ignored, get a cat.
If you want to be confused, hang out with people.
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Bret Burquest is the author of four novels. He lives in northern
